Let’s be honest. We’ve all had that dead-eyed moment at the desk, fantasising about chucking it all in for a pottery side hustle and finding happiness selling hand-painted mugs on a Saturday pop-up stand in Glebe Markets. Hate to break it to you, but that sounds a lot like wishful thinking. We’ve said it before, burnout in Australia isn't just about work. Bad bosses and endless to-do lists suck, agreed. But burnout seeps into every corner of life. It’s existential, emotional, cultural. It creeps in whenever you keep torching your energy for people and things that give nothing back.
We’ve been calling on organisations to work on building healthy, human-centred workplaces since Habitus took its first breath. Our facilitators have travelled all over Australia showing them how to do it. But today, let’s take a detour. And…this one’s for you, the person beyond the job title. As an anthropologist, certified coach, facilitator, former educator and youth worker, the Science of Not Losing Your Shit has been informing my toolbox for years (both in my practice and at home). I’ve seen and lived first-hand how the grind, whether it’s work, family, or just the disaffected hue of modern life, can chew you up. Self-regulation isn’t just a professional interest; it’s the only reason I haven’t turned into a permanent fixture on my own couch.
Everyone’s heard the advice: “Go for a walk, call a mate, take your shoes off and touch some grass.” But then we turn around and swap fresh air for another screen, or a chat with a mate for doomscrolling and ticking off to-do tasks like they’ll hand out medals for inbox zero. Here’s where Polyvagal Theory (cheers, Stephen Porges) smacks us with some sweet hacks: your nervous system isn’t just background noise, it’s the control room. Scheduling actual time with people who make you feel good, moving your body, or even just grounding yourself with bare feet isn’t self-indulgence or influencer fluff. Think of it as an investment, the neurological equivalent of resetting your computer when it starts to go groggy.
You prioritise nervous system regulation, you get better focus, sustainable energy, and way fewer moments like “oh shit, I just emailed my boss my grocery list” or “I’m at this dinner party but I can’t stop mentally drafting email replies”. Self-regulation isn’t a nice-to-have afterthought, it’s a non-negotiable for every human being who wants to remain human.
Clocking off the right way is just as important. In fact, taking ten minutes for some mindful movement or a quick journal session right after you clock off isn’t just a self-care cliché, it’s how you tell your body, “Work’s done, mate.” In fact, at habitus, we treat those rituals and moments of transition as a part of our work day. Whether it’s stretching out the kinks or jotting down the day’s wins and challenging moments, these little rituals work like an emotional reset button. Do it before you bolt out for groceries and you’ll actually be present at the dinner table, rather than staring blankly at your partner’s waving hand in front of your face.
Everyone throws around the word ‘boundaries’, and for good reason. Your time and attention aren’t infinite, and treating them like they are is the fastest route to burnout. Brené Brown nails it: “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” Translation? You’re not on this earth to be everyone’s emotional support animal. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s hard. I’ve been in that position myself countless times before, setting non-existent time and energy aside for people who needed my support. But putting others before myself at times when I simply don’t have the capacity took the toll each and every time. Here’s what I’ve come to learn about the importance of setting boundaries:
Think of boundaries like your own personal spam filter: if it’s not a hell yes, then it’s most probably a “not today, Susan.” Every guilt-driven “fine, I’ll do it” is a slow leak in your energy tank. But drawing the line isn’t just self-protection, it’s how you keep your fuel for what (and who) actually matters. As Brené says, boundaries are about having the courage to love yourself. You don’t owe anyone constant, unfiltered access to your time, your headspace, or your DMs. Boundaries let you preserve your best self for your real priorities, not just whoever shouts the loudest or expects the most.
Self-compassion gets a bad rap, like it’s some soft, self-indulgent luxury for the “treat yourself” crowd. But the science says otherwise. Kristin Neff’s decades of research show people who actually give themselves a break—who practise kindness, acceptance, and forgiveness towards themselves—don’t just bounce back quicker from stress. They’re less likely to spiral into that magical burnout-to-depression pipeline that eats up so many well-meaning, good-hearted folk. Think of it like putting your own oxygen mask on first. You can’t rant about saving the cabin if you’re passed out in the aisle.
Start small. The next time you mess up, catch that inner critic—the one that loves to pipe up with, “Well done idiot, you fucked it up again.” Then, flip the script. What would you say if it was a friend in your shoes? Probably something like, “First of all, what happened? How does that make you feel? Ok, there’s some anxiety there, let’s get you a glass of water first. It’s alright, everyone screws up. What can we do now to make it better? And how could we prevent this from happening again?” Imagine showing yourself even half that compassion. Radical, right? But that’s exactly what we deserve! Treating yourself with the kindness you’d offer a friend isn’t self-indulgence—it’s essential! Because all that brutal self-flagellation doesn’t make you better, it just paves the shortest road to total collapse.
Charles Figley coined the term “compassion fatigue” for a reason: caring without limits will absolutely break you. Burnout doesn’t just happen when you’re busy; it happens when you pour your heart where it gets swamped, overlooked, or taken for granted. There’s a reason therapists and first responders have entire workshops on this stuff: strategic disengagement literally saves lives (yours included).
Treat your empathy like your credit card: yes, it can do wonders, but every swipe counts, and there’s a hard credit limit for a reason. Saying “not today” to certain appeals for your time and energy isn’t cruel, it’s survival. If you give yourself out entirely, eventually there’ll be nothing left.
So if you want any shot at long-haul impact in anything you give a damn about — whether that’s your people, your work, your own bloody sanity, or your side-hustle Saturday stand at Glebe selling mugs—learn to aim your compassion where it counts, and don’t be ashamed to shut off the tap when your tank is getting close to empty. That’s not selfish. That’s literally what makes your care sustainable. By this logic, if you just continue to overdo yourself in the service of others, the less people you’ll be able to help in the future. Martyrs are cool and all, but they’re only martyrs because they’re fried (literally) at the end of the story.
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Let’s drop the polite fiction: not everyone gets a share of your precious energy. Some people are like solar panels; they light you up, leave you buzzing, and make the world feel just a bit more possible. Others, well… They're emotional black holes, sucking up your time, your patience, and your will to live, leaving you emptier than a Friday office fridge. We get it, we all have to deal with these fuckers every now and again, sometimes on a daily basis (you have to pass Raul’s desk on the way to the bathroom, after all). But here, discernment is key.
Here’s your permission slip to be judicious with your care. I’m going to throw another compound term for fatigue soon but stay with me. Science calls it decision fatigue. Every time you spend energy managing other people’s emotions, demands, or drama, that’s one less decision you can make for yourself. The trick? Curate your personal Circle of Care as ruthlessly as you’d curate an inbox on Monday morning. Keep the battery-chargers close, and let the black holes drift to the outer solar system of your life. If you find yourself regularly drained, anxious, or questioning your own worth after an encounter, take it as feedback. It’s fine, and frankly necessary, to downsize that relationship. Unsure? Talk to someone about it. Sometimes all we need is a friend, trusted co-worker or family member to acknowledge our thoughts: That the person we’ve been giving so much of our energy to isn’t worth that degree of dedication.
Here’s where boundaries come in handy again. This isn’t about shutting people out; it’s about letting the right people in and keeping your core protected. The skill isn’t in endlessly blocking everyone; it’s discerning who actually deserves a genuine “yes.” When you intentionally reserve your energy and presence for those who reciprocate and respect it, you cultivate better, deeper connections, and you don’t end every week feeling like a wrung-out towel.
Your circle should leave you energised, not existentially bankrupt. So, figure out who deserves your glorious, limited supply of fucks, give freely to them, and stop wasting your spark on those who mistake access for entitlement.
The secret? Consistent, deeply unsexy practice. Here’s four tips and tricks for clocking off, self-regulating, setting boundaries, and being compassionate with intent.
1. The Transition Ritual:
Before you even think about dinner or Netflix, spend 5 minutes doing something that physically signals "work is done." If you wanna go on a one-hour run we won’t stop you, but the main idea is to cultivate short, realistic transitions. Could be changing clothes, washing your hands mindfully, or doing 10 star jumps in your kitchen. The sillier, the better. Your brain needs a clear "chapter break" between Professional You and Human You.
2. The "Budget" Exercise:
Sunday night, grab a notebook. Write down your non-negotiable energy drains for the week (boss meeting, parent-teacher conference, whatever). Then list your energy boosters (coffee with a friend, yoga class, parent-child quality time, that podcast that doesn't make you want to scream). Literally schedule the boosters around the drains. You could also just schedule “screen-free time” and see what comes up on the spot, a push towards getting creative and finding new hobbies and interests beyond scrolling or watching TV. Treat it like financial budgeting, you wouldn't spend money you don't have, so why spend energy you haven't allocated?
3. Boundaries in Real Time:
When someone asks for your time/energy, buy yourself space with: "Let me check my calendar and get back to you." Even if your calendar is just you watching Netflix in your underwear. That pause lets you decide consciously rather than reflexively saying yes because you feel awkward.
4. The Compassion Reality Check:
Before diving into someone else's drama, literally ask yourself: "Am I helping them, or am I helping me avoid my own shit?" If it's the latter, step back. Sometimes our "helping" is just elaborate procrastination dressed up as virtue.
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Learning to give fewer fucks isn't a betrayal of your values. It's the only way to protect them. Your friends, your family, your job and the literal world itself don’t need another burnt-out martyr stumbling through life on fumes and heroics. It needs you: real, present, and deliberately choosing where to invest your care. Because here's the kicker: the people worth your energy - they don't want you running on empty either. They want you whole. They want the version of you that shows up by choice, not obligation.
The way forward is having the courage to love yourself by saying “no” when it needs to be said.
So stop setting yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
This 2-minute culture check offers a safe way to surface the conversations your people might be holding back — and what to do about it.
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